Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Changed My Life
I was nine years old, and I'd been repeating my daily pattern for five minutes now: "I don't want Mum to die. I don't want Dad to die. I love Mum. I love Dad."
Saying these words, again and again, made me feel safe, and if I didn't repeat them, I panicked. Didn't all my friends do this?
And didn't they check that they'd turned the taps and lights off? Maybe. But not 50 times a night.
Fast forward to me at 15.
Obsessive behaviour
I had a notebook where I wrote down how often my friends called me. Not only that - there was a column tallying how often my friends called EACH OTHER. Talk about being obsessive. Didn't I have anything better to do?
All my obsessive quirks I put down to my star sign.
Intense.
Loyal.
Jealous.
I wore my sign like a badge, not understanding that the heavy burden I'd carried since a child was anxiety rather than the common traits of a Scorpio.
Anxiety and intrusive thoughts
Jump to 2017. Mum to a newborn and three-year-old. I should have been basking in the glow of motherhood – instead, I was sitting on the stairs crying, as my friend hadn't messaged back.
I became preoccupied with my three-year-old son's social life. Why hadn't he been invited to his friend's house? Rather than focus on all the positives in my life, thoughts of my son's social circle (do pre-schoolers even have one or care?) filled my mind.
I'd had enough. I wanted to rid myself of the anxiety and intrusive thoughts that had followed me since childhood or at least learn tactics to manage my mental health.
CBT transformed my life
My life changed when I started weekly cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) sessions with a fantastic therapist.
She was a strong and inspiring Irish woman with a wicked sense of humour - just the kind of therapist I needed to help shake my anxiety. We met fortnightly for six months. CBT was a revelation for me. I started to feel free.
I told her everything that worried me and the themes and situations that triggered me. I learnt that thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are all intertwined.
The sessions gave me the tools to change the way I processed my emotions, equipping me with methods to reduce overthinking and worry and flip irrational thoughts into rational ones.
Rewiring your thinking
My anxious thoughts were hard to shift, and CBT rewired my way of thinking - turning my negative thoughts and feelings into something more positive and balanced.
CBT is one of many talking therapies that can help reduce mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. In some cases, it can help lessen the symptoms of bipolar disorder (combined with proper medication.) It's also effective in tackling eating disorders, panic disorders and phobias.
One of the tips I learned to help reduce my anxiety was to use "I'd prefer" rather than "I need".
"I'd prefer it if my friend messaged me," rather than "I need my friend to message me back."
Taking away demands and replacing them with preferences balances your thoughts.
My final session of CBT was in August 2017. I'm proud to say that my obsessive thinking has drastically reduced. I'm not entirely free of it, but I now have the tools to manage it if it creeps back.
Finding the right therapist
I was lucky to find a counsellor I felt comfortable with – not only one who was properly CBT qualified but one to share my innermost thoughts without fear of judgement.
If you're looking for a therapist, make sure they're registered with either the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) or the BABCP (British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies.) All registered therapists have completed approved counselling or psychotherapy courses (quite often a degree and a postgraduate course), plus at least 100 hours of supervised placements.
Make sure you choose a therapist with REAL QUALIFICATIONS.
You need the best advice possible when it comes to your mental health. Once you've made a shortlist of suitable therapists, it's good to speak with them to see if you get on well before starting sessions.
CBT improved my concentration – and book reading
Pre counselling, I’d only managed to read one book a year. One book!
I know there's audiobooks, but I wanted to read proper books again and be immersed in a story - not just flick between screens and magazines. The combination of an anxious mind, social media distractions and rolling news meant that books didn't stand a chance. I've had periods where I devoured books – the anxiety didn't always win.
I wanted to rediscover the joys of being immersed in fiction.
Thanks to CBT, I now read around 25 books a year, and that's a definite improvement.
Useful resources
The mental health charity, MIND, has lots of information about CBT: What is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)? | mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems
Learn about how CBT has helped people: 'It gave me an ability to enjoy life': readers on cognitive behavioural therapy | Mental health | The Guardian
Find registered councillors on the BACP website (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy): | BACP
Written by Laura Beckett, a website copywriter and freelance content writer, working with UK small businesses and brands.